Frozen Flowers
by Hikaru-wa-shiawase-eien-ni
Summary: Post season 4 reveal with Lena and Kara finding themselves far apart. Lena left long ago but Kara didn't even know and the day she found out was the day she really started hurting. She should have realized, should have known that there was no way that she couldn't just randomly bump into Lena even in a city as big as National City for a year if she was still living here.
1. There's No Point Anymore

Chapter 1

There's No Point Anymore

Never had anything hurt more than the parting words Lena threw in Kara's face before exiting from Kara's life permanently, at least it was permanent for a while.

"I hate you, Kara. You are dead to me. I never want to see you again," Lena spat with such anger in her eyes, disdain in her voice. Kara had never heard Lena so hateful, not even when she spoke of or to her own mother. It felt like someone had shot her in the gut with a Kryptonite laced bullet that went straight through her. Never had she felt such anguish like this in all her life because though the destruction of her planet had been devastating, it had been an almost abstract concept since she had fallen into the phantom zone for 24 years before crash landing right into the Danvers' lives. Actually, Kara would have preferred a Kryptonite bullet through the brain right about now. That might have hurt less than this unbearable wound bleeding out of her heart, searing into her brain, and seeping underneath her skin, burrowing deeply like a parasite. No, it would definitely have been much less painful if she was shot through the brain with a Kryptonite bullet right now. Perhaps she deserved it if a bullet shot her right now because of the angry, wounded look on Lena's face.

"Lena, I would apologize a hundred times if I thought that would help make you feel less hurt. I'm apologizing now, however little that means to you right now after … after everything, after lying for so long. There are no words that can express how deeply, sincerely sorry I am that I didn't tell you sooner, that I didn't say something when I first realized how much I trust you, how much I care for you and believe in you, Lena." Kara, paused, taking a deep breath to steel herself to continue talking. "However, I obviously didn't and now … now it's probably too late for me to apologize, but I am truly sorry, Lena."

"Are you done, Supergirl?" Lena asked coldly, a sneer on her face, something Kara had never seen directed at her. It hurt, but it probably didn't hurt as much as Kara's massive breach of trust did and Kara couldn't imagine how much agony Lena was in right now.

Kara's face fell, tears welling in her eyes that she tried to blink away as she looked at an unmoved Lena, still gazing at her stoically. "I just … want to tell you how sorry I am one more time. Lena, I have never been more remorseful for anything in my life than not telling you the truth the moment I trusted you to keep my secret, the moment I trusted in our friendship."

"If you're done, then leave, get the hell out of my office. We're done talking now." Lena's face had smoothed out to show absolutely no emotion, but Kara could smell the saline of her tears in the air as well as hear how her heart pounded with ache. It was difficult to know that she was the reason for all of it, for the way Lena was suffering right now was because she kept listening to everyone else instead of listening to her own heart and telling Lena, NDA forms be damned.

"Okay, Lena … I'll leave but know that if you … if ever there is a day you might be able to forgive me," Lena scoffed but didn't interrupt Kara, "you have my number and know where to find me. Until then … I'll leave you be Lena. I promise." Lena didn't even acknowledge Kara's words, just gestured for her to fly out of her office through the balcony door before turning around and sitting down in her desk chair. That was the last time Kara would see Lena for nearly two years and not under the best circumstances either.

X

One year. It had been just over a year since Kara had last seen Lena, last spoken to the love of her life, though she didn't dare tell Lena that. She might have been a masochist for listening for Lena's heartbeat any time she was anywhere within her super hearing distance of Lena to listen to that soothing heartbeat … she stopped looking for it after a few months because it wasn't right for her to do that. Lena wanted space and this was a violation, even if she would never know that Kara had been actively seeking her out in a way only she would be aware of, and she forced herself to stop after two and a half months of listening to that heartbeat with longing.

Today was an exception. Kara hadn't been the one to think to come over to the LCorp building. In fact, Kara had attempted to talk Snapper out of forcing this particular assignment on her. Nobody had spoken to Lena for an interview in more than half a year and he wanted answers as to why she hadn't had a public appearance in so long. LCorp was still running even if no one had seen her coming and going from the office, rich people could use private parking in a secure parking garage that required ID to access it after all. Being a CEO also meant being rich enough not to have to worry about not getting a meal delivered or having someone else working get it for you without having to lift a finger to get it yourself, of course. And Kara knew all of those things, so she didn't have any high hopes of meeting with Lena whatsoever when she went to the top floor in order to meet with Lena.

Upon exiting the elevator, she was greeted by Jess sitting at her usual desk. Before Kara could even open her mouth, Jess was speaking, "Miss Luthor is not in her office at the moment."

"Okay, but I was supposed to meet with her today in order to interview her for CatCo Magazine," Kara spoke as if Jess didn't already know she was a reporter there, but Jess didn't comment on that and instead gave her a calculating look. "I emailed her directly about this and someone else from LCorp emailed me back to come at this time today."

Jess sighed, "I emailed you back in Miss Luthor's place, Miss Danvers. The reason for that is you won't be able to meet with Miss Luthor to interview her ever again and I wanted to tell you in person so you wouldn't come in everyday looking for her. Of course, this is off the record because this isn't an interview." Kara felt like the earth had suddenly crumbled beneath her feet and nothing was holding her down to the ground. A terrible ache in her chest made itself known as tears sprang to her eyes and heartache bloomed and started throbbing throughout her chest like a plant blooming within the confines of her ribs. "Miss Luthor left more than six months ago. I cannot tell you where she went, only that she made sure no one would be able to find her without her express permission. She is still running LCorp from where she is, which is why no one suspects that she is no longer CEO at the moment."

Kara felt numb as she nodded blankly, feeling worse than how she had felt when she last spoke to Lena about her betrayal over a year ago, worse than how hollow she had been the following months without contact with her best friend, with the love of her life out of her life for such a long time. "Why are you telling me this?"

Again, Jess looked at her in a calculating way before responding, "I'm only telling you this because I saw, firsthand, how terribly your falling out affected Miss Luthor, how agonizing it was for her to experience such a large breach of trust in someone she trusted more than anyone else in her entire life. Though I don't know what it was that caused such a rift between the two of you … I know that I watched her become a shell of who she once was. She hardly ever ate or left her office. I'd never seen her more devastated in all of the years I've worked for her and I was the one who suggested she leave for her own sake. Miss Luthor didn't want to leave when I first made a comment about how starting fresh somewhere might help her heal, but she finally agreed with me and now she is somewhere far, far away from where her pain resides." Jess gave Kara a knowing look. The comment wasn't meant to hurt her, just point out that living here had been destroying Lena little by little.

"Right then. I'll just … I'll be on my way then, Jess. Thank you … thank you for telling me this in person when you didn't have to … or need to let me know anything at all." Jess responded by nodding her head and giving her a wave goodbye before getting back to her work, after all an assistant's job is never done no matter how far away they were from their boss.

The rest of the day Kara was practically useless to Snapper so he sent her home, and it almost seemed like he was moderately concerned with her nearly catatonic state. All he got out of Kara was that Lena hadn't been in her office. By the time Kara came home she realized that she hadn't eaten anything since breakfast nearly twelve hours ago but she didn't feel hungry, not in the slightest. She went to sit down on her couch and curled up into a ball, knees drawn up to her chest, arms wrapped around her knees, and her head resting on her arms, staring blankly ahead, lost in thought. Kara wasn't sure how much time had passed while she was lost in thoughts of how wrong her life seemed without the possibility of ever having Lena in her life again when the door to her apartment opened and Alex came through with several boxes of pizza stacked high in her arms. If Kara hadn't been so dazed, she would have marveled in her sister's talent in being able to carry everything and still unlock the door as someone without superhuman capabilities.

"Hey, Kara, I brought the pizza as promised for sister … night? What's wrong, Kara?" Alex came over to set the pizza boxes down on the coffee table and immediately wrapped Kara up in her arms, knowing how tactile Kara was when she wanted, or needed in this case, comfort when she was hurting over something. For a long time, Kara was silent, just taking comfort in being in Alex's arms and warm hug. Kara hadn't cried yet, nothing had really sunk in yet. The fact that Lena was somewhere she didn't know and couldn't possibly hope to find her hadn't become real yet as she sat in her dark apartment, staring at a picture frame of Lena holding her from behind, exuding happiness in her subtle smile. Alex waited patiently for Kara to find the right words to tell her what was wrong. She knew that Kara sometimes wasn't sure what she wanted to say yet, how to say what she wanted to say, and so she needed the time to find what she wanted to say to her. "Take your time, sweetie." Alex kissed her forehead tenderly for a long moment before leaning back, looking Kara in the eye when she made a noise.

"She's gone, Alex, and I'll probably never see her again." Alex furrowed her brows but remembered why she had come over to Kara's apartment in the first place: Lena Luthor. Kara had excitedly told her that Lena had accepted an interview with her for earlier today and Alex insisted that she should come over after she was done at work so that she could bring celebratory pizza over or consolation pizza if things didn't go as planned with the interview. "Jess, her assistant," as if Alex didn't know who she was from the various times she had gone to Lena's office over the years, "was actually the one who emailed me in Lena's place to accept the meeting to … to tell me in person that Lena left the country a long time ago. Maybe she felt bad for me or just knew that I would keep coming if Lena never answered. I'm not sure, but she said that the reason she asked me to come in person was so that I wouldn't come by the office everyday looking for her because she's not in the same state, let alone same country anymore, from how she said it anyways since she never specified if Lena was still in the country or not. Just said that she was … far, far away from here … from me."

"Oh, Kara. Come here." Alex felt Kara bury her face into her neck, finally shedding tears at the finality of the whole situation, of the realization that Lena never wanted to see her face again and she truly meant it. There was no way to fix this, no way to make things better without Lena coming back and telling Kara that she had forgiven her, that they could be friends again, or at the very least that she would be in the same city as her even if she never spoke to her again in an unofficial capacity. Being acquaintances would be better than not being anything to each other at all. Kara's thoughts just spiraled from there. Nothing was going to make any of this okay again. After that Kara didn't speak another word for the rest of the night, hardly even touched the pizza, much to Alex's dismay and concern.

X

It had been months since Kara had discovered that Lena had moved out of the city to someplace Kara would never know. Days all blended together, weeks sped by while she felt like she wasn't moving at all, and before Kara even knew it, it had been four months since she found out that Lena made sure Kara would never see her by accident on the street, while shopping for groceries, just doing something in public where they could bump into each other by pure luck. Kara hardly ate, barely slept, and stopped going out with her friends. Why eat when everything was tasteless, why sleep when she was haunted by her dreams, though being awake was like living a nightmare she couldn't escape, and why try to enjoy life when life was meaningless? It was unanimously decided that game night wasn't game night without Kara after the sixth time Kara failed to show up or participate with any sense of enthusiasm if she showed up. Just looking at her compared to how effervescent she was before was more than just disheartening, it was downright depressing. Things just hadn't been the same since Kara found out that Lena moved away to get away from her, to take any and all chances of them reconciling away and disappearing out of Kara's life permanently.

Ever since Kara discovered Lena had left she had been taking more and more risks, in fact everything she did was without the slightest hint of caution or sense in order to stop natural disasters, crime, or unknown alien threats. Kara went into every fight recklessly, was hungover or drunk on rare occasions when something happened while she was at home drinking her weight in her favorite alien liquors and drowning in her misery. Alex had had enough of watching her sister destroy herself and finally exploded after one time too many. "Why are you doing this to yourself Kara?"

Kara smiled hollowly, "because there's no point anymore." Alex had wanted to question what she meant but she was pretty sure the answer was something she wouldn't be able to stomach if she questioned Kara about her comment. Alex resolved to find Lena by any means necessary and would do it with or without the DEOs permission and resources if she had to for Kara's sake. Nothing was going to stop her from finding that damn Luthor, nothing.

X

Kara hadn't been the same since she found out Lena had left National City. Every time she left for a mission, Alex couldn't help but worry it would be the last time she saw her sister alive and well, physically at least. There was no doubt that Kara was mentally, emotionally broken inside, psychologically scarred in a way Alex couldn't hope to heal her. And though Alex couldn't blame Lena for leaving, she could blame Lena for not coming back, for not telling Kara in person that she was leaving and never coming back, something at least that wouldn't have broken Kara so much at the loss of her deepest friendship and, though Kara hadn't told her, the love of her life. Though Kara had broken her trust, Kara shouldn't have to die in order to be forgiven, should she? Should anyone? No, there was no way Lena could be so cruel. She had to find Lena no matter what. It had already been two months of this destructive behavior and Alex couldn't watch her sister kill herself any longer. Alex was going to find Lena even if it took weeks, months, or years to find her wherever she was hiding out.

Alex recruited Winn to find Lena's trail because there was no way for her to hide all technological traces, even if she was a genius multi-billionaire with nearly limitless resources. Winn was her best shot (no pun intended) at finding Lena before it was too late, before Kara succeeded in killing herself and justifying it as a heroic death instead of what it truly was: suicide. It was frustrating the first two months having no progress because Lena was damn good at hiding her transactions from all of those months ago when she left. Being that it had been nearly a year since she left it was even harder than if the trail had been fresh. Almost everything Alex and Winn looked into turned into a dead end with false dummy interactions and set ups to lead anyone trying to find her astray into multiple promising looking clues that turned out to be nothing. It was almost as if Lena had disappeared entirely off the face of the earth and Alex was starting to wonder if Lena had somehow gone to a different earth parallel to theirs with some kind of invention when Winn finally found a lead two months after they first started looking without Kara even being that curious about what they were doing. Just a curious inquiry about what they were constantly talking about these days and an acceptance when the answers weren't very forthcoming. Alex nearly cried in frustration and pain at her sister's lackluster response and general despondence becoming so common. She shouldn't be this way, shouldn't be so indifferent to everything going on around her like she was merely a spectator to her own life and those in her life. One glance at Winn told her that Winn agreed wholeheartedly.

They started working even harder to figure out where the hell Lena had gone to stump everyone out of finding her location. It had been a grueling two months to find something promising that wasn't a complete waste of time being a dummy account or transaction to fend off potential enemies looking for Lena for them to have something that gave them both a spark of hope that they would find her yet for Kara's sake. Kara didn't look like herself anymore, blonde hair no longer shining like it used to because of how much sun she would take in, her skin looked pale, she looked tired, and thin, so utterly thin and small compared to how larger than life she had been prior to her finding out about Lena. Even when Kara had initially had her falling out with Lena it hadn't been this bad. Sure, Kara had lost her appetite for about two weeks before realizing that it wasn't how she should look at things if she wanted to fix her mistake. Kara had taken to giving Lena space and hoping that after some time they could start talking and build their friendship back up from scratch, start over again. The thought of a fresh start gave Kara treacherous hope before Lena snatched that away effectively by ensuring they would never see each other again by disappearing out of Kara's life, permanently.

What started off as a little clue that didn't turn out to be nothing became something more, something that felt like the beginning of salvation, a way to save Alex's sister, to save Winn's best friend. It was another two months before they found something even more solid, something better than a slight trace that might lead to Lena eventually, considering how long it had taken them to find a mere bread crumb of a clue. Losing hope was the only way they wouldn't find Lena, so after more than four months, Alex and Winn were becoming more and more sure of the fact that Lena was somewhere in Asia that was extremely remote. Being half a world away was the farthest she could have possibly gone in order to avoid Kara after all. It took another two weeks to narrow it down to an isolated part of China that was mostly countryside but not too far from the city. Alex gave Winn a hug when he figured out what it was Lena had done, how she had been able to avoid detection so well that it took them four and a half months just figure out that Lena hadn't, in fact, just moved away from the city. She had in fact used someone else to camouflage her movement and hidden herself somewhere in the middle of nowhere that wasn't too far from civilization. It was certain that Lena wasn't living with whomever her camouflage friend was, based on the camera footage he could find of her only occasionally appearing at said person's residence, she just used the address for important pieces of mail that was forwarded to the address somehow by Jess to the person who was most likely a relative of hers. The whole thing was ingenious and Alex would have admired such a sneaky tactic if it hadn't been used as a way to escape Kara and avoid their problems without giving Kara a say about whether she would ever be forgiven for lying to Lena for just over two years of friendship.

Either way, Alex had finally managed to track Lena down with Winn's help and she wasn't going to waste another second in the DEO without planning a way to make it to China within the next week to save Kara from herself. Getting a few days off from J'onn wasn't difficult since he knew what she was doing when she asked him to clear her work schedule for a few days in order to do what she needed to do.

X

Alex had never thought about how long flying to a country half the world away would take but, damn, she had been on the airplane for twelve hours to get to South Korea with a layover of only two hours, which wasn't terrible, and then had to fly another four hours to the airport closest to Lena's assistant's sister's apartment. Thinking that always gave Alex a bit of a headache because there were so many possessives all in one thought. Alex was just so happy to finally be off of the airplane and moving towards her goal to finding Lena. Reaching out to Jess' sister would have alerted Lena in advance so, Alex decided to just drop in as soon as possible after settling into her hotel and finding some mode of transportation that would be inexpensive for her but also convenient. She was a little nervous now that she was here, that she was this close to fixing Kara, to the person who held the key to making Kara feel better. Every minute since she left the airport after getting a taxi was a bit nerve wracking, in a good way. After she settled into her hotel room, she paced around the limited space within the room, coming up with a game plan. She had made sure to calculate every step of the way from the how long the flights and layovers were down to how long it would take from with a taxi to the hotel she was staying at. Everything was calculated and now she needed to think of a way to approach Isla, Jess' sister, without alarming her. Perhaps the truth might help, but it had a chance of hindering her chances instead if Isla knew all of the circumstances that lead to Lena hiding away.

Then again, if Alex was dishonest then she would lose all chances of even seeing Lena for a single moment. No, she would be brutally honest and appeal to Isla's love for her own sister to get her to see that Alex only wanted to save Kara from herself and give Lena a chance to come back and clear the air with Kara hopefully. That's all she wanted. Yes, that would be her best bet at getting Isla to allow Alex to talk to Lena about coming back.

Mind made up, Alex went downstairs to ask about the bus system here, since it was much cheaper than taking the bullet train instead, and went on her way to Isla's apartment. The whole ride there she planned out what she wanted to say to her. It wasn't hard to think of the words, to reach inside and honestly think about how hard it was to see her sister suffering from heartache. Before Alex knew it, she had reached the stop closest to Isla's apartment and started walking to the apartment, a fifteen-minute walk according to her GPS.

Before Alex was entirely ready she was standing before a very well built and beautiful condominium that was definitely paid for by an extremely wealthy person. It just reeked of money, more money than even those with higher end jobs could afford to pay. The outside looked simple enough, like a regular condominium for someone with an extremely well paying job, but there were little things that Alex knew to look for that it made it obvious it was worth several million dollars such as the gated entryway, the higher end security unit used to gain access, the somewhat hidden security cameras, and a few other things that made it worth more than it looked without noticing such details upon first glance. Alex hesitated, unsure of how to approach in order to gain access until she noticed something that looked like an intercom to buzz into the apartments. Upon seeing that, Alex took a deep breath to steel herself before walking the few steps over to the intercom and pressing the one to indicate she wanted to talk to Huang, Isla and even the first buzz caused nerves to eat away at Alex as she waited. Finally, after four rings, someone answered, hopefully it was Isla and not someone else who might possibly run away if she was there right now and realized Alex was here too early.

"Hello?" a voice asked.

"Um, hi, is this Isla by any chance?" Alex inquired in response, just to be sure.

"Yes, this is she. Whom am I speaking to?" she replied back.

"My name is Alex Danvers and I was hoping you could help me with something important. I'd rather not say over the intercom what it is, but it is regarding someone you know about someone important to me." There was silence for several seconds and every second Alex held her breath until she heard the intercom come back to life.

"I have a feeling I know what this is about, but come on in." With that she heard the unusually pleasant-sounding ring that allowed her entrance, something that was paid for by the rich people who reside here no doubt. Walking in, she walked to the appropriate condominium unit and knocked tentatively. After just a moment the door opened to reveal someone who looked relatively similar to Jess. Isla motioned for Alex to come in and said, "shoes off please," as she walked further into the condominium towards a spacious living room area that looked homey. There were several picture frames on a mantle area near the couch showing Isla with various family members, one of just Isla and Jess smiling together on a beach, and one even had a picture of Lena with the sisters. The one with Lena and the sisters looked like it had been taken at an event they had all attended because of how well dressed they all were. Alex was broken out of her musings by Isla's voice. "So, you wanted to talk, right?" Her voice was hesitant though not entirely unkind.

"Right, yes. My name is Alex, as I stated, and I wanted to talk to you about my sister, Kara." Isla seemed unsurprised by that fact, but nodded for Alex to go on, seemingly willing to listen to her plead her case. "Okay, so I'm not sure if you know, though I highly doubt that you wouldn't know about this, that my sister had a falling out with Lena nearly two years ago now. They haven't spoken in all of that time, nor seen each other. Kara tried to give Lena space to heal and didn't try to see her in person for over a year before your sister told her what Lena had done, that Lena had left National City entirely. That was kind of her to do that instead of leaving Kara coming back everyday and hoping Lena will eventually meet her without knowing that Lena hasn't been in National City since long before her first attempt to see her in person." Isla nodded along, listening to Alex intently and that gave Alex a spark of hope that things might actually turn out better than she had thought it would. Optimism had never been her strong suit, everyone knew Kara was the ray of hope and as positive as sunshine after all. "So, ever since she found out that Lena left without a word she has become … a danger to herself in every way possible. Before this she had only ever gotten drunk a few times in her life but now she has shown up to work either hungover still or drunk once when there was a work emergency just enough times for it to be disconcerting though not entirely out of line. And not only that, but she is now extremely careless and has been putting herself in tremendous danger. She has not gone a week without being seen for various injuries for more than three days in the last eight months. Ever since she found out Lena left she hasn't really smiled much, she never seems like she's there when she shows up to hang out with friends, but most of all … I think she's trying to kill herself whether it is intentional or not, whether she realizes that that is what she's doing or not. I'm scared that one day I'm going to get a call that my sister didn't make it, that she died saving someone else's life. Suicide dressed up as a heroic act instead. I don't know for sure, but that's the scariest part. The way she's been acting, I can't help but fear that she is in fact suicidal and it hurts knowing that nothing I've said or done has helped."

Isla swallowed hard and gave Alex a few moments to compose herself, tears having gathered in her eyes before she couldn't hold them back anymore, too distraught over the thought of her sister succeeding one day. After Alex calmed down a bit, Isla finally spoke up. "What is it that you want from me exactly, Alex?"

"All I want is to tell Lena that she might not have a chance to talk to Kara and fix their friendship if that's what she wants to do before Kara manages to kill herself in some act of heroism. If she doesn't want to live with that regret then she better let me talk to her and let her know where things stand right now." Alex's voice was strong this time, despite the sorrow still coating her heavy eyes.

"How about I make you a cup of tea and we can sit at the table while we wait for Lena then?" Alex couldn't believe her ears and she was sure her jaw was hanging from the shock of hearing those words.

"Of course. Thank you." Isla simply smiled and hoped she was doing the right thing by everyone involved.

The rest of this story is actually already posted up on my account at /himemiyahikaru for anyone willing to help support me and keep a roof over my head since I'm a little short on rent money right now because of various life circumstances.

姫宮光る


	2. Broken Inside

Chapter 2

Broken Inside

Lena was glad she had found somewhere so remote without being too far out of civilization to not have decent technological resources. Well, Lena had built herself something to magnify the output of her internet since it had been shoddy at best when she first moved into her privately built cabin in the woods to make sure no one could track her. She made sure that the building was obscured by trees still so no one could spot it easily from an aerial view. Clearing out trees was the dumb mistake of every rich person ever who tried to get off of the grid and hide away from whatever troubled them, or criminals for that matter. No, Lena would never make such a rudimentary mistake like that because it would get her killed in less time than it took to apologize to yourself out loud while being murdered.

Her little cabin looked like it was a dilapidated building that no one had lived in for years so no one would try to come in should they come across it for any reason. She had a hidden lab area underneath in which she could hide should someone try to come in to find her and the entrance to it could only be opened by her handprint alone. In fact, unless someone knew where to look, the wood was so well crafted to look like it was falling apart without being decrepit so that no one would ever think that she was living underneath her house disguised as an unlived in cabin. She also made sure that should someone come within 50 feet of her property she would be notified and her surveillance footage would come on to show whether they were getting anywhere near her hideaway home or not. If someone unauthorized were to come into the cabin, for whatever reason, Lena would know about that as well and be able to monitor their movements to ensure she would not be found accidentally. The brunette was rather proud of the fact that she was even able to soundproof everything in her secret lair so she wouldn't have to worry about making unnecessary sound that could give her away to anyone looking. Lena only came out of her lab and secret living quarters in the room connected to the lab when she wanted fresh air or to go to her phony apartment complex in the city to stock up on any dwindling food supplies or grab some important things that Jess would have sent to her through their system to leave as little trace evidence as possible as to where Lena was currently residing. Everything Jess helped her set up was clever. In fact, if it weren't for the fact that Jess had a sibling looking to move at the time she suggested this idea to Lena, things would not have worked out as perfectly as they did.

Things were so much quieter, life so easy and simple, that Lena didn't think she could find a reason to miss how complicated her life had been before she moved to such an isolated lifestyle with bare minimum contact with the outside world other than with her assistant and occasionally with Jess' sister when they saw each other in passing. Everything had been fine for nearly a year so it was inevitable that something happened to change that. Because nothing in Lena's life could stay the way she wanted it to stay, of course. Today was one of the days she had gone back to the apartment she set up with Jess' sister to pick up some basic necessities when something changed the entire course of her life. She had been enjoying her hermit lifestyle for sixteen months now when Alex Danvers made an appearance, sitting at a table with Isla and drinking tea while waiting for her. Lena had no illusions that Alex was there for any other reason than to find her.

"Why are you here?" Lena asked, voice cold and full of steel.

"I thought it would be obvious why it is I'm here, Lena." Alex sounded calm, but Lena could detect the slightest hint of a waiver in her voice. Something was wrong then, something had to be in order to prompt this visit after all. The fact that Alex went to so much effort meant that something had to be terribly wrong with Kara because she would never waste so much time otherwise, of that Lena was quite certain. She knew, after all, how difficult it had to have been for anyone to track her down like this because of all of the safeguards she had put into place to ensure it would be near impossible to figure out without knowing her well enough to figure out her single, outside contact. It was genius and near foolproof. Not foolproof enough, evidently.

Lena gave a mirthless chuckle at that, "if I knew why you were here, I wouldn't be asking, now would I, Alex?" Isla cleared her throat and nodded to Lena without saying a word. Lena was grateful that Isla didn't give her secret hideout away, knowing that Isla was just as loyal as her sister was.

As soon as Isla had left to go about her business, Alex spoke again, sounding agitated. "Would you cut the crap, Lena? You know the only reason I would be here right now is for Kara's safety and well-being, though it's almost nonexistent these days as it is." Alex mumbled the last part, something Lena wasn't sure if she was supposed to hear or not, the way Alex had muttered it under her breath. They were barely arm's length from each other.

"What, so Kara asked you to find me to help her, make her feel better, then?" Lena's tone was pure venom and derisive. Alex was almost tempted to slap her. Alex could not deal with having two people she needed to slap some sense into these days, but at least with Lena it wouldn't break every bone in her hand.

"No, actually. I'm here without Kara's knowledge because she's …" Alex swallowed hard, closing her eyes tightly for a moment before continuing stutteringly, "Kara is a danger to herself … these days. Her behavior … she's been so self-destructive lately. Every time she comes back from a fight she has to spend several hours in the sunbed to heal because she doesn't care how much danger she is putting herself in, what risks she's taking, how recklessly she's been fighting, and it's gotten to the point that she's nearly died almost every day for the last two months. In fact, she hasn't gone even three days without having to be seen for numerous wounds inflicted upon her any time she has gone out to save people or capture some wayward alien or metahuman of some sort. She doesn't care about her life anymore and hasn't for nearly a full year now, Lena." Alex paused, too overwhelmed by emotion. "I can't keep watching her do this Lena, I just can't do it anymore. She acts like her life doesn't matter to her anymore, she's been so withdrawn, has had absolutely no appetite either, and it's like the life has been sucked right out of her. Kara used to be the sun personified, the sun in alien form, but now … now she's more like a raincloud hovering in everyone's peripheral, just merely existing." It was hard to hear, hard to picture. "When she first found out she was just so sad. It probably started more or less a few weeks after she found out, her being more reckless and rasher every time she was needed for something. And that slowly progressed to her becoming injured with greater frequency by the time a month had rolled by since she found out about you leaving. By the time it had become six months her recklessness skyrocketed to dangerous levels, constantly being brought back to the DEO almost dead, barely alive for the next time she's needed to save National City or going after some criminals. It's … almost like she is … trying to get herself killed." Emotion welled in Alex's throat, in her halting speech about her fears.

Lena swallowed, feeling bile rising up her throat at the thought that Kara had almost died continuously for two months straight without her knowing. That was her own fault though. She refused to look at the news networks centered in National City, or in general since some countries mentioned Supergirl when she ventured outside of the United States to help with major crisis' outside when requested. "And what does that have to do with me, then? Why come to me rather than Kara about this behavior?"

Steel entered Alex's eyes as she revealed the truth she didn't want to acknowledge, "because I already did and she told me that 'there's no point anymore' as if her life doesn't matter to her anymore. She's …" Alex choked on the word before she could utter it, "she's … suicidal, Lena, has been for the better part of six fucking months. Nothing I do, nothing I say has helped make it better, make her feel like life is worth living again." Lena almost caved after hearing that, but she didn't know how her being around would even help anything. "It's like … how some criminals know they're caught and commit suicide by cop but instead she's trying to commit suicide by being a Superhero, dying while saving the day."

"And how would my being there make any difference in how she's behaving, Alex? What would you have me do?"

Alex looked at Lena incredulously, like she was some mythical creature come to life. "You have got to be kidding me, Lena. Of all the things … you think that this has nothing to do with you, that you coming back wouldn't change things drastically somehow? Fuck's sake, Lena, she's gone out drunk to save people from dangerous aliens a few times in the last four months or during an emergency of some sort. Hell, she's gone out hungover as well because she doesn't care if she dies anymore and it's … killing everyone who cares about her to see her this way because she's been suicidal since she found out you left without a word. If you're not willing to save her then I'm going to have to watch her die someday and then it'll be too late for regrets and apologies, Lena. Do you really want that to be your future, to be your biggest regret?" Alex looked so damn sad that even Lena couldn't help but feel the sorrow pouring out of Alex in waves, the pain of an older sibling watching a younger sibling suffer undeniable distress and not being able to do anything about it. When Lena didn't answer for several minutes, Alex shook her head in disgust, scoffing at her. "I suppose it's my fault for thinking better of you. The Lena I knew would never stand here instead of finding the next flight to National City and booking it with expedited tickets and flight times because she's a billionaire with a very nearly limitless pool of resources. Serves me right for thinking that way then. I'm going back to watch my sister kill herself because I can't do anything to talk her out of it, not for lack of trying either." Alex sighed, looking contrite for losing her temper, "look, I'm not saying you have to forgive her or anything like that. You just need to give her closure. No, you don't need to give her closure, but it would better for the both of you to move on. She's stuck, Lena, she hasn't moved on from this and she won't if you don't at least talk to her one more time or do something. You don't have to even talk to her in person if you don't want. Just … tell her that you've moved on or something, that you're doing well."

Lena was surprised by how quickly Alex reigned in her anger and composed herself. "I don't know what I would even say if I called her Alex and it has been nearly two years since we last saw each other. You all knew, but none of you thought to tell me about Kara keeping a secret this big from me."

Sorrow entered Alex's gaze. "There were many times that Kara wanted to tell you, especially after Lex but she didn't want to burden you with that when you had been grieving and I talked her out of it. In the past she kept saying she wanted to tell you but the DEO, well, J'onn wouldn't allow it for many reasons, though … I guess none of that matters now anyways." Alex paused. "You cut us all out of your life, though I don't blame you for that, Lena. I even thought we were friends at one point, but … here we are. Whatever it was you were looking for here … I hope you found it. Be safe, Lena, for Kara's sake. She wouldn't want anything to happen to you without her around to … save you like old times."

Lena watched a tear escape Alex's eye as she said the last part, the only tear she'd ever seen Alex shed in all of the years she'd known the woman. "Wait, Alex." But Alex was already gone by the time Lena came to her senses from hearing such shocking news. And Lena hated herself in that moment for not being stronger, for not being strong enough. If only she had been smart enough to see through Kara's disguise. Some genius she was for not knowing her best friend was hiding something so important from her while seeing the signs left and right but never putting any of it together despite it all being right in front of her. A pang in her chest brought Lena out of her self-deprecating thoughts. Perhaps a little research would help her come to a decision after what Alex had said. Closure … to move on … move forward.

X

It had been nearly a week since Alex had come back from her mysterious trip that she wouldn't talk about no matter how much Kara or anyone else asked her about it. J'onn and Winn were the only ones who didn't ask her so they probably knew for one reason or another, but they wouldn't tell anyone else what they possibly knew about it. At least J'onn wouldn't and Winn might only crack under pressure if someone started hounding him, poking him like the Pillsbury Dough Boy for answers and he just might cave. Kara gave up asking after not getting a proper answer after a couple of days, much to Alex's disappointment because Kara normally badgered and cajoled until someone gave her what she wanted when it wasn't something serious, like a secret someone wanted to keep. The Kara from before wouldn't have given in to her answer so easily, wouldn't have given up without at least pouting to get an answer from her and the unease in Alex's heart and mind increased further at witnessing the extent of which Kara had withdrawn herself from everyone and everything going on around her, how distant she had become.

Winn shared worried glances with Alex as they both watched Kara walk off listlessly. It was almost as if Kara had an aura of someone who wasn't altogether there, just from seeing the way she moved without purpose. Anyone would be able to sense how little she cared about her life just from looking at her for even a moment. Even someone blind would be able to see it, would be able to sense her misery. Nothing anyone had said had caused Kara to wake up from her state of perpetual sorrow. The saddest thing was probably seeing Kara eat pot stickers as if they tasted like nothing, just eating them because someone else made her eat food. Kara had to be reminded to eat food these days and she was definitely eating less than half of what her usual intake of calories used to be before Lena.

"So, still nothing from Lena then?" Alex asked, making sure to whisper just in case Kara might possibly listen in, though Kara didn't seem to notice anything even if it did hit her in the face these days.

"Nope, nothing. Though that in and of itself doesn't mean anything because Lena does have ways of communicating that I might not even be able to pick up or keep track of without knowing what she's using because I still don't know where she has been hiding all of this time, Alex. I mean, we figured out a link to Lena indirectly. Whatever set up she has over in that half of the world is far too complicated and well protected for me to find even a scent of information that would ping on any of my watch alerts because she's a freaking genius." Alex rolled her eyes at Winn despite knowing that he was just covering all of his bases because he had learned the hard way not to leave out any details that Alex would deem important, the punch on his left arm had seriously hurt. He was pretty sure he even had a bruise for a few seconds after.

"It hasn't even been a week yet, but I'm still worried about whether Lena is going to come back at all to talk some sense into Kara about being more careful instead of acting liking dying to save people is actually okay." Alex let out a sigh that expressed all of her emotions all at once. The sorrow, the exhaustion and worry, the desperation, and lingering hope that somehow Lena was going to help Kara were all expressed in the single sigh that Alex let out. "Not knowing is the worst part for me right now. If I knew for sure that Lena was coming within the next few weeks, hell, I'll even take a month, then I wouldn't feel so anxious about this whole thing. Lena is an unknown factor and I wish it weren't so, Winn. It's Lena's choice whether she chooses to come back and talk to Kara or not … but I can't help but want her here."

"Yeah, you and me both, Alex. All we can do is wait or see if I can get any pings before we even know whether it is a real thing or not." Alex just nodded, hoping she was right to put her trust in Lena and be able to see her sister finally heal, in more ways than just physically.

X

Lena had spent the last four days wallowing in misery as she read article after article, watched clip after clip, and even watched a few live video streams of Kara getting pummeled into the ground, smashing into buildings that seemed to actually break into her skin, and being beaten bloody by some aliens and metahumans with certain abilities able to harm her. Nothing had been as terrifying as the most recent live stream that had happened just a few hours ago depicting Kara flying towards someone with an alien weapon of some sort that actually burned her skin. It was unbelievable that something had managed to harm Kara so severely. Lena almost cried when Kara seemed to grit her teeth against the pain but continued on her path to get the weapon out of the female alien's hands. Just watching all of the video footage and seeing the earliest ones where Kara, who was unused to pain, reacted much more severely than she was with the more recent ones Lena had been watching just cut Lena's heart to pieces, really made her feel a stabbing pain in her chest that made her heart ache.

All of the things Lena was witnessing almost seemed like a lie, like it couldn't possibly be true. Kara, a Kryptonian, was supposed to be invulnerable to everything on this planet other than when various forms of Kryptonite came into contact with her, or certain alien weaponry with similar effects. But it looked as if everything was harming her these days, though that was a slight exaggeration, even though nothing but Kryptonite was supposed to be able to make her bruise, bleed, and break. No, she was supposed to be able to shrug off every blow someone managed to land on her. She was supposed to be able to get back up without a scratch when someone threw her into a building and she was, especially, not supposed to have any DEO agents putting her in a stretcher to tend to her when she was passed out or on death's door from a fight. These were all things that had never happened before whenever Kara was out saving the day unless CADMUS was involved and got Kryptonite from her mother. In fact, other than when her mother was involved, Kara had never truly been injured before. Seeing Kara lying lifelessly on the ground after someone teamed up on her and shot a rocket launcher at her in order to escape custody, though luckily the Martian Man had intervened and caught them before they could get away with everything.

Ever since Lena had watched that last video, from just a few months ago, she had been sitting in her living room area in a nearly catatonic state. Just seeing Kara laying lifelessly on the ground made a piercing ache lance through her heart. Tears had come to her eyes unbidden, summoned by the thought of almost losing Kara and never knowing how close she had been to living in a world in which Kara was dead and she would never have known it because of her damn, stubborn pride. All because she couldn't bring herself to come to Kara and had been hiding somewhere Kara would have never gone to look for her. Perhaps she would have never have found her either because of the lead lining she had used to ensure no superpowered beings would find her and also preventing certain other people from finding her as well. Lena felt an extreme, all-encompassing sorrow pass over her, making her feel a strong sense of regret for not having given Kara a chance to … make it up to her, to allow her to mend their friendship and heal the wound she had caused instead of forcing her into becoming this. She'd never felt so ashamed in her life, for allowing this to happen because it had never occurred to her that this might be the end result of her somewhat hasty departure. It had only taken her a few months of planning after Jess had suggested it off-hand just a few weeks after Lena's fallout with Kara had occurred and it had seemed like a brilliant idea at the time.

Lena almost wanted to grab a bottle of scotch, take a sloppy drink from it, and then smash it against a wall because her guilt was consuming her more than any other emotion had ever eaten her alive before in her life. Never had Lena felt so much shame before for something she had caused, however inadvertent the intent had been in this case. Had she known that this would have hurt Kara so much, maybe she wouldn't have ever felt the need to leave National City behind. It wasn't as if Kara was trying to gaslight her and manipulate her into coming back, into forgiving her and forcing her to stay with guilt. No, far from it in fact. Maybe it wouldn't have been ideal, but it definitely would be better than wondering if she had never left if Kara wouldn't be so susceptible to pain like this instead, constantly becoming injured and not healing right away, or properly at all.

The worst thing about Alex's visit was probably that she wasn't demanding Lena to come back, hadn't been unreasonable, or rude either. Sure, she lost her temper once, but she was just someone who was trying to do right by the people she cared about and closure was something that Lena might need because something had been missing the entire time she was here. The time apart had helped her heal a little, well, acting like her feelings didn't exist was easier when she was alone other than still having meetings in her little hideout and being able to claim bad signal when she was annoyed with her board members was fun. Having the time to herself was her way of indulging in herself, pampering herself with her me time. It was her way of forgetting the bad and just doing whatever she needed to get to that point, to stop feeling the torturous pain in her chest and this awful feeling she couldn't identify that felt like … heartbreak but personified. This feeling of heartbreak almost felt like something tangible, something she could reach out and touch. Lena didn't know what it was, but making it go away had been her priority and she managed that by busying herself the first few months with getting her laboratory ready underneath the house. She became lost in thought and started thinking about something that had been nagging her about the footage she had been watching. There was something about the earliest clips versus the more recent ones that had struck her as odd but she couldn't place what it was exactly. Lena sat there for several moments, just thinking.

Several moments had passed into nearly half an hour when something seemed to strike a chord within Lena, something that clicked in her mind as she replayed the events she had watched within her mind's eye. Wondering if she was just thinking too hard, Lena decided to check to see if she was just imagining things or it there was some accuracy to what she now believed to be true. Lena played over the oldest videos from nearly two years ago when Kara and Lena had, had their falling out, rather when Lena decided she could no longer be Kara's friend and wanted space from her. The more she watched from those first fights to the ones coming closer to within the last year there was something that was sticking to her brain but she couldn't quite place her finger on it just yet. Something about Kara's numerous injuries over the years didn't make sense to her if Kara was supposed to be completely invulnerable to everything on earth that could harm her without Kryptonite being a factor. It seemed as if sometime within the first few months since their fight Kara was becoming only slightly injured during fights, like a small scratch here and there on occasion. After nearly half a year it seemed to be slightly more precarious, some bruising that faded within a few minutes, but still noticeably different from how she almost never had any bruising without the use of Kryptonite to weaken her enough to hurt her. Just where did these people get Kryptonite from anyways though? It was very few and far in between, but still, seeing as more than even one criminal had gotten their hands on it was highly disconcerting.

Against her better judgement, Lena decided to watch something more recent than from four months ago depicting a major clash from just two weeks ago, not counting the one where Kara received second degree burns from a few hours ago, and she braced herself for nearly ten minutes before pressing play, the still image before the video started was of Kara flying high in the air above her, visibly enormous, enemy which looked like a large boulder with arms and legs made up of smaller boulders. Pressing play was difficult as it were, watching Kara get hit by one of the creature's massive arms was unbearable, more so when the audible crunch of her bones breaking was heard through her surround sound speakers as well as the nearly blood curdling scream she let out. Lena couldn't help but cry as she watched Kara get up from where she had fallen despite the blood now pouring from her temple where the part that would be a hand had smashed into her head, her hand was supporting her more than likely broken ribs, and flew up slowly above it again. Tears streamed down her face as she wept silently and continued to watch Kara fight against the creature wreaking havoc and destroying her body in the process, progressively showing how hard it was for her to continue getting back up. When she eventually defeated it and the DEO took over handling it and capturing it to transport it back to their, not so secret, headquarters, Alex helped carry Kara off to one of their signature unmarked vehicles while batting away disgusting news reporters and paparazzi trying to get close to Kara selfishly. Lena would have found anyone who was part of CatCo and fired them if they were one of the people impeding Kara's recovery while she looked like death after beating a monster for their sake while they watched from a safe distance. It truly disgusted Lena that Kara protected people like that only to have them disrespect her blatantly and show how little they cared about her health after she had saved their lives. One thing that gave her relief was seeing civilians trying to help clear a path for her and pushing reporters back to give her room, helping the DEO agents with putting a clearly marked line between Kara and the voracious reporters and frenzied photographers.

Image after image, video after video, and article after article Lena had been watching, reading, and absorbing a large amount of information without a break for more than twelve hours total in the last four days, her breaks being her passing out for three hours before waking up again to repeat the cycle of pain as she researched for more. She found as much information as she could dig up, there were far too many news articles and video footage for Lena to sift through, ever since Alex's visit four days ago. Everything she found made her regret her decision from nearly two years ago because it was obvious that her leaving had a devastating and swift effect on Kara's overall well-being. In every picture she seemed tired, weary, as time progressed she was steadily becoming paler until recently she looked entirely unhealthy compared to how she used to look, and the worst part was seeing specks of dried up blood, or wounds still seeping, and bruises on her body. Seeing a fading bruise on someone who was supposed to have invulnerable skin was absolutely horrifying and upsetting. Knowing that she was the reason was even worse than Lena had ever imagined.

There hadn't been a single day that Lena hadn't wondered whether she had made the right choice in leaving and ensuring that Kara wouldn't be able to find her without some serious help from someone else, like Winn. Of course, she tried to rationalize, tried to tell herself that yes, it was the best decision to get away from Kara to heal from such a huge, painful revelation. She needed to take care of herself first, to allow herself the time and space she needed to heal from such a scarring revelation. Kara had been lying to her since the moment they met and it hurt that Kara had claimed to trust her, had claimed to be her best friend, had crawled past every defense she had ever built for herself to survive living with the Luthors with her sunny disposition and endless warmth and kindness. Everything about Kara Danvers had been disarming and wonderfully charming. Lena was sure at one point that they could have been … more than just friends, best friends. Had things been different perhaps, if things had worked out different maybe. But they hadn't so there was no time for the 'what ifs', what could have been.

Her initial move away had been everything she had been hoping for, other than the niggling doubts that just never seemed to fade ever since she had moved from National City to China instead. There had been something that had felt wrong, something that just didn't feel quite right despite how desperately Lena knew she needed to get away from everything … from her. And as time went on, the sliver of doubt never went away, but Lena had gotten quite good at ignoring that feeling and it became an almost subconscious thought, a little pest she barely noticed unless it was presented right in front of her. She was almost completely certain it was the right move after having been away for a full year. The thought still persisted, whether she had made the right decision, no matter how she tried to convince herself it was the right thing to do for sure. But now, now Lena had her answer as she felt her heart break once again as she watched Kara get smacked into a metal structure and not get up, J'onn coming to her rescue once again. The worst part was seeing how the metal was merely dented whereas it would usually have a Kara sized hole, had she been at her full strength there was no question that a hole would be present instead.

With every brutally detailed video and image of Kara's sustained injuries becoming gradually worse Lena felt her heart splinter into two halves, one half drowning in sorrow, the other half filled to the brim with regret. There was no denying that Lena's actions lead directly to this situation. Kara was becoming weaker for some reason she couldn't possibly fathom, but there was no doubt in her mind that it had something to do with her decision to leave. Everything had started sometime after she left and Kara found out about it, perhaps not as early as when she had first left, but it definitely started showing within several months of her leaving. And the scientist in Lena wanted to know, wanted to figure out if it had something to do with Kryptonian biology that caused this weakness in Kara and her ability to recover was lessening. It almost seemed as if Kara was becoming more and more human as timed passed and Kara's body and physiology didn't improve, didn't become more Kryptonian. Either way, Lena couldn't help her curiosity over what was happening to Kara, but her most pressing concern was Kara recovering, Kara becoming strong again so she wouldn't kill herself trying to save the world in her extremely weakened state. Lena couldn't bear the thought of Kara dying. Her heart ached at the very thought as soon as it occurred to her Kara might die, _can_ die now.

Nearly choking on her emotions, Lena prepared herself to go back to National City as soon as possible. She was glad that she had nearly limitless funds still. Her private jet would allow her an easier time to fly back to National City on such short notice once she took a flight to a country her pilot could pick her up from. Plans fully forming in her mind, Lena booked the next flight to Seoul, South Korea so her pilot would be able to pick her up after she landed there and fly her back to National City. Lena just hoped she wouldn't be too late, hoped that Kara hadn't managed to do irreversible damage … hadn't managed to kill herself with all of her near suicide missions. Her heart ached fiercely, throbbed in pain at the thought, but she thought nothing of the pain she felt tightening her chest as she got herself packed and ready to go to the nearest city that she could to take the bullet train to the airport. The bullet train traveled at over 200 miles per hour and would beat any taxi to the airport for that reason including not dealing with China's insane traffic throughout any major cities. Lena could more than afford to take the most expensive mode of transportation in the country and she didn't want to waste any time.

"Wait for me Kara, please wait for me. I'll figure this out … no, we'll figure this out together and you're going to be just fine. Just … just wait for me." Lena sent a silent prayer to whoever, whatever might be out there to keep Kara safe for her. "I hope I'm not too late."

Leaving her hidden home was the easiest decision Lena had ever made in her life, but she could only hope and pray she was going to make it in time. Time could only tell. Despite her fear of flying, Lena barely paid any attention to the fact that she was, in fact, several thousand feet in the air. Nothing mattered more than getting to Kara and seeing her for the first time in nearly two years. Lena only felt anxiety for what waited for her back in National City, rather who waited for her.

So, thanks for reading! Here's a link to all of the chapters plus my other works where I upload them first if you'd like to support me there by checking out my other works and completed stories there.

姫宮光る


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